It is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. We should recognize this type of trauma and everyone who has been affected by it and to give awareness to those who do not know. A great deal of people hear the word "" and think of women. Men are d, it's just that men do not report it. The statistics for male is incorrect because men are ashamed to report it. There is also a flaw in how the statistics are shown for the of women. The CDC even states that the system is flawed because they cannot account for the number of women who do not report their or even the cases in which a accuser comes forward and admits to lying after the report it made. Those numbers are not included because they are not reported to the CDC.

I am not down playing nor am I making light of it. My years have been spent with the trauma of from all sides of the spectrum. The Victim, The Perpetrator, The Accused, The Wrongfully Accused, The Un-reported, the family members of all of the mentioned and in my personal life. I have seen the court systems work and I have seen the court systems fail. Either way, it isn't pleasant.

Over the years I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have heard the words "You do not understand" or "You just don't know"

But I do know about this type of assault, not only professionally, but personally. I will only blog this one time. Why? Because it is not a moment that I am fixated on through time. It is a moment in my time. At the age of 16 I was held for hours in a room by my best friends brother. I stayed home from school because I was sick. Then while everyone was at work and at school, E called up and asked if he could borrow one of my sisters cigarettes. I crossed the street and then it happened. E held me in a room for a few hours and d me repeatedly. He was 18. When he let me go, he told me not to tell. How could I tell and break up 2 families that had known each other since I was born? I did not tell a soul. I lived across the street from him and faced him everyday. For months I cried.... but then it hit me...... Why? Why am I going to let him take who I am? I channeled my Dads words about sadness and not letting anyone take my smile. So I held my head high and eventually E. was just someone I did not acknowledge.

Back then support groups and the stages of grief were not prominent. But I did go through them and didn't know it until years later. That moment in my life, as traumatic as it was for a young girl to experience, does not define me. I do not let it hinder my days, how I think about the opposite sex, my desires and lust for sexual intimacy and I certainly do not wear it on my sleeve and beat the day lights out of it. It happened, I am over it. I am me, not him. I don't even remember the date it happened. To me, it isn't healthy to consider it a day to memorialize. Letting go of that date was healthy for me. Will I ever forget the incident? No. But I don't hurt over it anymore. Like I said, I am not fixated on it. I don't and won't trivialize , but I won't live with it either.

It wasn't until years later that I spoke of that day and used that negative to be a positive. I went into Law Enforcement. Then another step began. I started to teach recruits at the Police Academy how to treat Victims. From there I joined the un-spoken survivors of and helped counsel women on how to grieve, mend, cope, survive and move on. Even though at this time, I had moved on, some of the other women hadn't.

Now, through the years of experience when I speak to someone who needs help and I hear the words "You do not know" I won't and never have made it about me. It is their moment to talk and then at the opportune time, I interject and speak for a moment about my incident. I won't beat them about the head with it, but I do choose my words wisely. After all, it isn't a fixated moment in my life. It was a moment. A moment I do remember, but do not dwell on. After all, one of the Grieving Stages is to become the Survivor and not remain the Victim by keeping it in the moment. Everyone has their time lines on how to deal with survival. And that is the key....to eventually survive and move from being the victim.

I did not write this blog for sympathy. I write it because I know about the many sides to the crisis and I have seen them all. This blog is about my understanding of this month and it's significance.

Remember: "Do not let one cloud obliterate the sky" Anais Nin.

We had a budget meeting earlier. I only had to be there in name and presence. While there, of course I did some doodling. The officer next to me asked me if I was paying attention. Which brings me to this: When I was in school, I could study with the music blaring or noise going on around me. As a matter of fact, I prefer it NOT to be quiet when I studied. If I would have stared at the person discussing the budget, I would have started to daydream. In all reality it is best that I doodle, if someone talks for more than 30 minutes. I will pay more attention to them if I do. Unless there is mayhem going on around me or someone is telling me something gruesome about a crime, I pretty much zone out during numbers crunching.....zzzZZZZzzzZZZ

Here are my rough draft doodles. I will complete them another time.....maybe the next budget meeting..lol




So tell me? When you studied? Did you like it quiet or did you study more efficiently with noise around you? How well do you pay attention?

'Naked' star describes fishing with 'private parts,' ruins appetites
Source: msnNOW.com: updated 24 hours a day. Reported 23 hrs ago

Are you not entertained, America? Upcoming Discovery Channel show "Naked and Afraid" features two strangers teaming up to conquer the elements without any clothes on. (Duh) From the sound of it, the participants had their work cut out for them: One star, Kellie Nightlinger, says she had been "starving" for two weeks in the wilds of Tanzania when she figured out a way to use her "private parts" as bait, trapping fish between her thighs. "Traditional [fishing] methods wouldn't work," Nightlinger says. Says the Discovery exec behind the show, which comes out this summer: "Having no clothes just takes [survival shows] to the next level."
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I am guessing they are naked in order to get viewers...and I would win that bet.
How many of you NN Members will apply for next seasons games........lol.

Ok, Let the fish and pussy jokes begin...1 .. 2.. 3... GO!

I can talk... but I sound like Fran Drescher on the Nanny, but I can talk!!!....lol. **mey heeeeeyyyy**



The head is still stuffed...but I can talk!
I am doing my "fever is gone" dance.
I want to thank everyone for the well wishes. All of you are wonderful!

From Tighty

Who will it be?
Will it be you?
If it is you, take a screen shot to prove who was there.

When my dear friend Mont was my 100,000th visitor, I took a special pic for him.

xo

****As of now, amancalledpony was the last person to see the blog at 200,000. The game is over. No more entries after Pony.

Now what? Twiddle my thumbs?

I talk to my sons every day. Their voices just bring such a thrill to my soul. I haven't seen them since Christmas and it hurts. They do have lives, work, classes and their extra curricular volunteering. So you see, I raised them well. I am so proud.

This morning, I got a call. "Hey Ma! How are you feeling? Your voice is getting worse. It sounds like you need some soup" There was a knock on my door and when I looked through the peep hole....there was my oldest son! I cried like a silly little girl and couldn't stop crying. I couldn't talk very much but it was great just having him here on the couch with me. We spent the day just being with one another watching movies. He was stretched out on the couch with his feet in my lap...lol. He did take a nap for a bit and that is when I blogged my memories of trying to learn how to dive. He knows how and was successful in high school with it. We got on the subject when he had asked me if the pool down the street had a diving board. Well they don't.

Anyway, He drove through the night to be with me for the day. He just left. I am still crying. I don't know how many tissues I have gone through. Now that is what I call a good cry. I won't even wish that I was able to talk while he was here. I am just happy that he was.

My Dad was an avid swimmer, therefore all of us kids were in the water with him. Since he worked swing shifts or the 3rd watch he had time to take us swimming. During the summer we were at the beach. During the winter we spent our days swimming in Thompson Pool in Bell Flower, Ca. The best part about the pool was that it was indoors and open all year. The pool was huge and it still exists. I have great memories of that pool. It was where I tried to learn how to dive.

Unfortunately, this is how I looked when I tried.


As I got a few years older, I still could not master it.


I gave up for a while, went through Junior High and therefore ended my desire. But when high school rolled around and all of the students had to take diving, well...I tried again.

I so wanted to look like this...man...my dreams were high!


But alas, it was not meant to be. I always ended up like this.


When I watch the Diving Competition during the Summer Olympics, I always flip off the screen........lol.

All of us have our favorite sports, sports teams or players. I will watch sports all year round. When one ends, another begins. That is the beauty of them all. So here is your chance to show your favorite sports, teams or a player and be an athleetic supporter! Choose any sport that you want. Baseball, Football, Soccer, Basketball, Nascar, Golf, Tennis, Bowling, etc etc...you get my point.

Come on everyone! I want to feel that spirit! Let's make those passes...Let's Score!

Here is how we will play:
**Title your blog "Let's Score"
**Post 1 to 4 pics in your blog showing how big of a fan you are.
**YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE NAKED....that is your choice.
**We will play in 9 days. That means 2 Mondays from now. For those ahead of the US time zone, that means your Tuesday.
**When the time comes, you will post the names of the players under your pics.
**NO PHOTO SHOPPING OF WORDS OR DECORATIONS IS ALLOWED.




**If you are new to the games, please email me and I will explain it all.
**Remember, Nudity is not required.
**This is not about nudity, it is about having fun.

Sign up below if you dare to play with us. It won't hurt, I promise.

Yes, we have this right.
But this guy shouldn't be given the right to bear a water pistol.



Future Darwin Award Winner?