So last night when The Wife got home from work, she almost attacked me (sexually) this from the woman who claims to have no desire for sex. I am not sure what to think, is this temporary, or permanent, does she think that by pretending to be passionate, it will erase The Ex? She certainly is not letting the fact that I fucked The Ex drop and is going to hold it over me for quite some time which will make things strained for sure. Suddenly, though she wants sex and is back to giving me amazing BJ's and more. I just do not know what to think. Additionally, she in a sort of roundabout way confirmed that she found the photos because she said she is keeping the evidence for the future. Well, I will find the flash drive and that will end that because I will be hanged if I would let her expose all of this to my kids! I know that sleeping with The Ex was wrong, but like I told her if she had not cut me off, it never would have happened and if she is not woman enough to make our relationship work, then she will not F with my kids because they are more important than anything else.
During the argument on Sunday she said some very hurtful things both about our relationship and about my kids and that is difficult to process and forgive ~ even if some of it is or may be true ~
Signing off for today

Well, I think I know how she knows that I was fucking The Ex .... I am missing my flash drive that had the pics that I took. That is actually a good thing, since those were all taken on 2 or 3 occasions so she does not know about the other times that we fucked. I sort of figured that but since I cannot find the flash drive and it had other documents on it, that is the most logical answer. I will have to search her handbag when she is asleep to see, but I know that she mentioned going to Kinkos to get a large document printed and I am guessing that she searched my desk for a flash drive and grabbed that one. It had been secured in the back of my drawer, but I took it out last week and must have forgotten to put it back. Oh well, it may be for the best. It will either save my marriage, or will prove that there was nothing to save. now to see if I can stop fucking The Ex for real.
One of the things that she got started on yesterday was cleaning the hot tub, which I completed for her today. I texted her and she was happy that I was completing it so maybe that will finally become the play place that I had hoped for.

Well, Saturday we had an event with my food truck that was fun, but did not turn out near as well as I had expected. During the morning I spoke with The Wife and she was cleaning the house and the guest bath (where The Ex showers) then got news that the lady that introduced The Wife and I was in the hospital (turned out to not be cancer, but she will need to see more doctors). The Wife had to bring us more Ice Tea to the event and she was very quiet when she was there. Finally got home and offered to take her out to dinner but she was sullen (sort of normal recently) so I made a quick dinner at home. I, again thought about trying to sleep with her but as we were ready to go to bed, she announced a 'killer headache' no real surprise there so I went up to 'my' room and went to bed.
The morning was pretty normal and we headed out to a local flea market for a few supplies. During the drive, she announced that she knew that I had been fucking The Ex! Well, I was not totally surprised but I WAS prepared with my answer, 'you will not sleep with me, and I am not going to live without sex, so I figured she was safe'. To be honest, that was not a great answer for her, as she sees The Ex as competition, but that was my answer.
Needless to say, this lead to an extended argument. We got home about 1, and I told her that since I had not slept well, I was going back up to bed. I went to my room and turned on the a/c but it was still hot, I went downstairs to wait for it to cool off and she wanted to talk. We sat on the stairs and talked for a bit {more like arguing who was right - my point being if she was loving to me, I would never have looked elsewhere and her point being that she felt that she could never live up to The Ex since she is the mother of my kids} Finally I said, look, I am going to go up to bed since it is cool by now, she encouraged me to come to 'her bed' and being the weak person I am I said yes. I lay down and she asked me to move over so she could lay behind me. For the first time in MANY years, she snuggled up to me and acted loving. We dozed like this for about 90 minutes then she moved her hand to start exciting me and I moved her hand off and told her to not do that because she had said she did not want to and I did not want her doing anything that she did not want to but she moved her hand right back and then started moving it inside the waistband of my underwear. Well, this led to some of the best lovemaking since before we were married. We fucked and sucked, I ate a cream pie from her (a first) while she came for the second time, then she sucked me after I had fucked her and we actually kissed with the passion that I remember from days past. The love making included me fingering her but which seemed to really get her off and she once again enjoyed me sucking on her tits. We finally got out of bed and ran a few more errands and did some house cleaning. I made dinner and we went to be early where we made love again. I have to admit that it was nice to wake up to her even if she does snore a bit.
one of the things that she said while we were arguing proved the passive aggressive nature of how she was treating me and the were:
When I mentioned that we did not kiss when we were sleeping in the same bed but suddenly kissed goodnight when I started sleeping upstairs her response was that she new that if she gave me an inch I would take a mile
Ultimately she made lots of excuses for not having sex and none of them rang true to me. I pointed out that I did everything she asked me to do except cutting The Ex completely out of our life and nothing was good enough. I have agreed to not have The Ex around the house at this point, but we will have to see if this continues or if yesterday and last night was her attempt to stave off the inevitable. She did sleep in the nude last night but we will see how things progress.
I made it as clear as I could that this is pretty much 'on her' to save things. I WILL do my part, but she must work at it as well.

Had the idea to sleep with The Wife tonight so I cleared 'my' side of the bed from the clothing that is stored there. Shortly after that we were sitting in the living room watching the news and she announced that she has a headache and feels horrible. Well, that means there is no point in trying to sleep with her. Oh, well. such is life, I am actually pretty tired anyway so I will go to sleep now.
Hope everyone has a great and sexy weekend.

came and went and nothing changed in the sex arena. The Wife did not let me know when she was waking up she just came out and was like 'Good Morning' and being rather pissed off (but not surprised) I just grunted a reply. She then spent the day working with me in the food truck since all of my other help bailed so for that I am grateful, but you would think on Fathers Day she might have made an effort.
Headed to see my neurologist for a follow up this morning so we will see how that goes - hoping that he will lower my meds dosage so I am a bit more functional.

It has been 5 weeks since my seizure and the means 5 weeks since my last fuck with The Wife. Last night we were walking through the grocery store and she offered to get me flowers for Fathers Day. I said, 'No, I do not want flowers, you know what I would want, but you are not interested so it is not worth discussing' she replied that it would be better if I was sleeping with her and I pointed out that sleeping in the same bed did not change things for us as all it did was get me frustrated since she does not like to have sex at night and I get up 2 - 3 hours before she does on the weekend. I also pointed out that I had told her many times that she could just text or call me when she got up and I would gladly join he if she wanted to start something. she indicated that she would~I doubt it! When we got home, I thought she might continue the discussion, but nope, we ate our (late) dinner and watched tv then went to our separate bedrooms as per the norm.
Oh, well, Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there - I miss mine so much since he died unexpectedly last year. Life has not been the same.

and that is not always a good thing. So for the past 3 or 4 days I have made sure that 'my' side of her bed is clear of folded clotting with the thought that maybe I would sleep with her and we might fuck. Each night as bedtime arrives, I change my mind and simply go upstairs as I do not want to push her into something that she so obviously does not want. On the news they have been talking a bout the 'female viagra' pill. The only problem is that the woman has to realize that there is a problem and want to resolve it. Somehow I do not think THE WIFE sees a problem. Oh, well, at least summer is short so once The Ex's kid goes back to school we can start fucking again.

I was feeling quite horny and kept thinking about trying to get things started with The Wife, but decided that it was not really worth the effort. Why push her into something that she has made quite obvious she does not want.
This morning I saw an interview with Dr. Ruth and she answered a question from a lady who is in a similar situation as myself and her answer was 'get counseling immediately' well, that would work if I was allowed to drive .
I am still (after many years) unsure of exactly what I want to do but I guess I will keep moving in the same direction as I currently am. Perhaps eventually I will find someone other than The Ex as a FB as well.

Well, The Ex and I have been talking about fucking since we are now working together again on a pretty much daily basis and today we finally found time. Late morning she came over and we talked about work related stuff for a bit then went upstairs. We both got undressed and got in bed where we cuddled for a bit until I sort of got on top of her and rubbed my dick between her thighs while sucking on her tits. I continued this for a while and she reached down to play with my dick which she has not done in a long time and I love! I continued to suck on her tits and she played with me and tried to direct me toward entering her hot pussy but there was not enough lubrication yet so I said 'let me eat you for a bit' which she gladly accepted. I moved South and started eating her while playing with her tits. After a bit, she asked if it was ok if she waited a bit to cum while I kept eating her and I said 'of course, wait as long as you want' . I ate her for another few minutes until she started that familiar moaning that means her orgasm is near. Shortly after, she came with her usual scream and pulled me up to fuck her. Even though I had jerked off earlier in the day, I wash hard as a rock and fucked her as hard as I could for a few minutes until I was ready to cum and as she likes, pulled out and came on her stomach. We relaxed for a few minutes and she asked if I was ok. It turns out that she was quite worried that I might have another seizure during sex and what she would do if that happened.
Overall it was a good session and I am hopeful that there will be many more - she has expressed an interest in fucking in my food trailer and a few other unique locations which I am completely good with as I like that kind of sex which is part of what has made us good sex partners.

So after I posted my blog yesterday, I waited a while and decided to go back into the bedroom to see if she was going to wake up and be 'in the mood'. Well, I did go in and turned on the TV, after about 30 minutes she began to 'come to' and of course, that began the time to talk about anything and everything, I tried to stroke her a bit to get the sex started, but did not make any progress. After a bit over an hour of nothing happening, I made a point of telling her to go to the bathroom so we could move forward as I know that she always needs to pee before sex in the morning. She came back and after about another 30 minutes I did manage to get things going, ate her for a bit while using the vibrating egg then moved up to fuck her. I would say about 'average' fuck with The Wife. Sex with her would be so much better if she would at least ACT like she was enjoying it and wanted to be having sex instead of her sort of just lying there.