about it right then but I sure as hell can right now.
Your words rocked my brain then and will rock my pelvis now.
Sweet dreams are in the making.
ju

when I feel like this. I have been ornery, grumpy, bitchy and overall not so pleasant and yet when I have to I have been putting on a good face. I would love to shove that good face down someone's throat about now but I see the light.
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow....
ju

It rarely is. Something always needs to be thought about, reflected on, anticipated etc.
I am long over due for mental peace.
This weekend is Thanksgiving up here. I will not seek the peace I am so badly in need of yet but I am looking forward to the tradition. The transition of the seasons is well underway. Fall is well established and the undeniable hints of winter are here. The early sunsets and late sunrises. The cooler nights. The
tradition formed by practicality dictates this is the weekend the water will be taken out at the cottage. The campgrounds will be closed. A hard frost is imminent. This is the weekend that will tide most over until February when they begin to think of summer again.
This is the weekend I will stay home. Cook turkey. Do the traditional things that signify the end of the harvest.
Next weekend, or the weekend after or maybe even the following weekend will be my weekend. I will go. I will be almost alone in a place that is hanging between boats and snowmobiles. I will go. I will listen to nothing but the water lapping at the shore. The people, the birds and the bugs will all have long gone.
Mentally, emotionally and physically I will revel in the silence of the season in between.
My mind is not quiet anticipating the peace it so badly craves.
ju

I used to sew.
All kinds of things.
Being the packrat that I am I saved the scraps.
When my daughter was born I sewed for her and decided that I would turn those scraps into a quilt for her crib. Newborns take up too much time so that project was never completed but it was well on its way. Next it was going to be a quilt for a toddler bed. More and more scraps were accumulated. And then my son was born and I had even less time to make this wonderful heirloom I had envisioned.
Determined I continued on when I had the time. Scraps kept accumulating and were added on when the mood struck. The thought that it was going to be for an infant was long forgotten and it had outgrown that size anyway. It was now going to be a quilt for a single bed when the gorgeous cast iron bed frame I had found years ago at the cottage came back into my possession. It was a double bed. Add yet more squares...
The double bed eventually became too big for the room and was replaced with a single bed and still the quilt wasn't finished.
It was shoved in the closet long forgotten about by everyone but me and I was doing my best to forget he damn thing but knew one day I had to finally finish it.
About 10 years or so ago I pulled it out of the closet and spread it on my bed. It was close, oh so close to being the right size and I was determined to lay claim to it after all of that effort. I added a few more rows of those 4 inch squares that had haunted me for so many years and then added a border and finished it off.
It is ugly, damn ugly but warm. It has never been on my bed but each year one kid or the other lays claim to it for the winter and as I tucked k2 into it tonight I took a walk down memory lane.
There is no cohesive pattern, it is random, completely and totally random and yet each one of those squares of fabric that have haunted me for so long mean something to me. I remember the people I purchased those random fabrics for. I laugh at myself for taking on such a project and am thrilled that the kids think it is worth grabbing and snuggling into for the winter.
ju

but I am tired for a good reason.
2k made a flying (on the road flying meaning a fast, crazy fast here one min gone 15 hrs later) trip up here and we went for dinner with a group of people he somewhat knows but I had never met. I was pretty ambivalent about that portion of the evening... needlessly. I had so damn much fun and the concert that was the raison d'etre was fabulous!
It was a late night and an early morning followed by my busiest day at work and now I am tired and whistful.
I am wishing I could drag a few continents closer together.
Somehow it seems so unfair that the greatest friends have to live at such distances.
I miss the stupid fucking cunts!
ju

weekend of summer is over, thank god because it was a busy one. Today it feels just enough like fall that a sweatshirt will be required this evening which makes me VERY happy!
School starts for k2 tomorrow and k1 has productive plans.
This time of year is and has always felt more like a new beginning than the official new year.
SO happy summer is over!
Looking forward to the crisp clean air of autumn, warm cosy clothes and campfires to snuggle up to and no more sweating!
ju

made me cry.
Happy tears.
Thank you special lady!

be getting old. These days I am happy to sit back and watch history repeat itself rather than fight to change it.
Jaded. Very, very jaded

really, REALLY hard today.
We all know families are fucked up, this one isn't speaking to that one etc, etc.
Because of that I was put in in the place of being the bearer of bad news. I don't mind so much that I was put into that situation, he is my best friend after all but what I really regret is the way I did it.
The horrible news was dumped in my lap and I was asked to pass it along. I didn't stop to think of the effect it was going to have on him. I didn't think of anything at all other than his mom was torn apart and I had to relay the information as fast as possible.
I did what I was asked. I informed him his nephew was killed in the line of duty. What I didn't do was think about how to break it to him gently if that is even possible.
In my haste to relay that horrible news I didn't think, I told him straight up.
I feel so bad for them all and selfishly I am feeling bad for myself.
Not very proud of myself,
ju

as we would like to be we can't always be naked.
This pic is me. The me you would find if you were to come across me in real life.
It was just after sunset as you can see. I was dressed for the temps to come while sitting around the fire (11c) and had eau d'insect repellant on.
I was being silly dancing around on the dock waiting for the real dark when we would turn our attention to the fire for the remainder of the evening.



I got caught being a goof but that is nothing unusual.
Sexy in sweats
ju