Courage comes in many forms, the other night, courage for me, was listening to a song. the song Drive by The Cars. It left me, with damp cheeks. For me, it was just another step in the process called healing.


Full moon last night, grabbed the camera and took a few pictures, tomorrow night, I might even set it up on a tripod and see, what I can get, when you do this, you see, how much it actually moves in such a short time.

I was walking in the rain this morning,, must have used that line a few times before.. I find it strangely relaxing. I tend to do more thinking when the hood is up and looking through it, the clothing equivalent of a camera viewfinder.

1 thought was, when did we stop calling a phone a telephone, taking a picture on the telephone, just does not sound right to me, I vision an old handset being pointed at a picture and then wondering, where is the shutter butter on the dial. the simple joy of dialling that number, listening to sounds of the dial , far better than, what we have now, yes, probably an app for that, but nah not for me.

I was actually going to blog about dreams and courage was to be another topic, next time, just saw the time, a visit to the doctor calls.. happy days..


I nearly forgot to add the picture, this Tree is a puzzle to solve, not sure, if the right angle will be ever found, for what I have pictured for it, but then again does it even matter.

Back to work tomorrow, I had been on holiday for a week, that might be it till around the end of May, I know, I will have days off before then for when I get my eye injections.

Julie's birthday was the 12th , 2 days before mine and it really pissed her off, when I said, I was her toyboy, I was wondering what it would have been like, as she would have been 60 next year before me by those 2 days.. She never forgot my birthday card, but i never ever got a Valentines of her,strange the things, that come into your head.

A real man never shows emotion, never says I love you, what a load of shite that one is, but it was how I was brought up, that was my world, to show anything was weakness. It took a very fine lady from here, that came into my life, for me too see things, so different.

So on Wednesday, I sat on a beach and had a good cry, sometimes, when the tears start, takes a while to turn them off.

I started back using my Wordpress site yesterday, nearly 4yrs since the last time I wrote on there, but I aim to write at least once a week on there, but will give it ago, future planning I guess.


On the beach, the pictures I like are more often the ones, that most don't.

It was my birthday on Wednesday. My reason for standing on the beach at dawn, just another new start for me.

The only place, where I have been posting pictures has always been Flickr, a bit more recently than in previous years to be honest, I have always still added to groups on there, but that is going to change now as well. When I first started on there, I just put up my pictures and for the most part now, that is what I am going to do again. I actually have more pictures, that I have blogged on here, all the way back to the very early days, it was just hosting site for the blogs, they were what it was all about, my journey , my soul searching, my moaning, so much, I was open about, the habit of blogging every day, thinking that it was what people wanted. People have always be so kind about my pictures, I have never thought what I take is better than what anyone else takes, that is just not my way, I am a very humble person.


Selfie on the beach, it never stopped raining, it was not the warmest, it never mattered

I stood on a deserted beach yesterday morning, it was raining, but no wind, the sea was calm, tiny waves lapping onto the shore, no more than a ripple, this was day one, this was where I decided for it all to start.

I walked for a mile along the beach, as close to the waters edge as possible and most of the time in the sea. In the distance it was murky , it made it look like fog and if I had taken the camera and long lens, I might have gotten something special , but this was not really about that. I just kept stopping watching and seeing, the slower you take things, the more you see.

I suppose, I have never really lived a fast paced life. but that suited me fine.

I prefer the beach at this time of year too the summer, I love stormy days, sitting somewhere cosy watching waves crash, trying to take in the power , mother sea is a force that we might think we can control but never will.. I have seen people being caught out by that rogue wave, I once was told count the waves and you can work it out, but then you look out and you see it, that one, that comes from nowhere and moves so fast. it is upon you and then you might be gone.

For a hour or so, it seemed like it was only me, higher up the beach the dog walkers, the odd runner were all there. I gained a bit of life back yesterday.

I then, walked back, stopped at what seem a nice spot and left the little bit of cake.

Some things, I will never work out and accepting that is a step. After all those years.

7 years ago, I woke up in the Lakes, Glenridding Hotel by the side of Ullswater, I was out early climbed a fell and it was funny, when I think back, I sensed then, the happiness was over and a change would happen, in the August it did, me and my premonitions.

will change things again from this week, it is what it is.

My saving fund, now has what it will take to get a new camera and one lens, the one lens will be a 100mm Macro lens, the camera will be Canon R6 Markii , will still wait till around start of May, I did think of just buying it now, but still I wait to see what Canon bring out, there is rumours of this and that for me, the ultimate camera would be, one that is just for taking pictures, I have no need to use it for video.

I have the hospital tomorrow, nice and early this time, injection number 3.

I was able to get back down in the dirt yesterday, spent time at the snowdrops, I got one picture that I was happy with, just really experimenting. Then as I walked home, I got a picture of an old favourite.
I stopped taking pictures, just to lie and listen to the birdsong, it is really picking up now, not heard the woodpecker yet, I was covered in mud, but I was happy.

Life just now is mostly 1x1, 3x1 or 2x1.


My old favourite is looking like she could be in such wonderful colour if, the weather does not get her, this 1x1 on the single bud works, but I have a 3x1or 2x1 in my mind if the display is what I hope. The next few weeks will be crucial.


Bonus picture, I just found from 9yrs ago,that I never blogged..

Blogging is funny for me now, so often, I have the urge to write and I get started and then just delete it all and log off. I think this week, that has happened twice.

I never ever once gave it a thought, that does my blogs belong here, when I got asked, what to blog about, I always said what you feel like. life is changing.


My version of NN stamped. a few pine cones think I done this once before on the beach, marked it with Whokens NN in large letters in the sand, when I had my old user name.

You know, sometimes we can effect someone, with even know we are doing so, I was talking last night to the man whose daughter I am helping learn the ropes of photography, seemingly she is in a far better place these days, he said to see his daughter smile again, is something that he never thought he would.

Photography healed me and it keeps on doing so. Now I try to get photos for what may become little books, personal reminders, I have a number of projects on the go, added another the other day as well, just now, it is called stumps lol, in my local wood, what once had been large trees and now long gone lie around the place, I took some the other day when I had the phone, but large camera job for this one.. So I am going to start at one end of the woods and work one side and then cross to the other side of the valley.

I like seeing pictures of all those beautiful places that people shoot all over the world and once thought I would like to do so, but for me, what I see on my walks are what is the most important thing. One of the best things I ever decided was never ever going to take photography as a job.

I once asked myself if I could be better than I am and the answer is yes, but stay below the radar is the better place for me.

Only once really it changed, when I had to get pictures for this blog, I had to get pictures that I knew people would like, so my blogs would get the views, The idiot I was, thought that it would make me popular and that people would like to get too know me better, was all about something that it should never have been numbers. Now thankfully it is not something that I bother about.


When you see the clouds catching some colour, you just have to stop and get the phone out..

I done my first full week at work in 7 weeks, same again next week and then I have a week's holiday.

I saw the little dog, that I really wanted today, more beautiful each time I see her, that dog would have featured in so many pictures for me, it would have been the best documentary work, I would have done.

I did actually take some dog pictures today, a collie was herding some sheep , it once was a common thing , but now, I would even find it hard to think of 5 farms, that still have a dog of any description.

I had a whole day at work yesterday , with no phone, I never even got withdrawal symptoms once, only thing I kind of missed was not having my kindle app to read, but I was glad to see it lying on the bed,rather than maybe having lost it when cycling to work.

I got asked once again, if I wanted to move into an office job, once again refused. Could I have done it yes, do I need the stress , nope.

I took a hit too the broken rib area, the pain went from very manageable, to I would have liked my liquid painkiller, but now back to being ok, I cope and just get on with it.

Tomorrow I have nothing planned, will just see, what the day brings.


I have always fancied getting the picture of sheep below tree's not sure why, but I like the idea, I got this last week, but it just does not work for me, for some reason, the balance of the picture is not right, I just never seen it properly, so a chance missed.

Back to work tomorrow, the patient dismissed me lol..

Life is what you make it or it can be, I use to think that we control our own path, but sometimes, it just does not work like that.

I went down the street yesterday, for a few supplies, I bought a scratch card, now I might buy one or two a year, sometimes none, I scratched it and won.

I walked over 8 miles yesterday, most in a very long time, and as I write this no extra aches or pains.

I started a new project, a documentary series of pictures of an area that has been cleared of it's pine tree's the destruction was hard to take in, for all I have seen it before and I even have cut down a lot of tree's,, this just seemed more real.
It was even hard to get your bearings, trying to work out, where was where, there was a lot of nice path's through it and now a muddy mess across a few.
Mother nature will take it back and she will give me views to try and work out, what is the best she wants me to get.
But once you take it in, you stand and look around and you see, scenes, that in the 50yrs, I have walked there, was hidden before, some of the views across the gorge are into beautiful woods, and I get to work it all out, to stand and look and seek.

In the end, I seen opportunity, I took a video from one spot, my first with the phone, I hope each year to stand in the same spot and do the same, I took 20 pictures with the phone, for all I had my camera, the phone, was my choice, it gave me the right lens, next weekend, all being well. I hope to be there for sunrise, a new dawning for another new start.


So as you can see destruction, but look at those beautiful trees in the distance. The first picture of the series, that I will be doing, I have one place picked where each time I go, I am going to see what I can get. But next time, I really do need to take my flask. So from destruction, let's see what we see.