I will never learn. I need someone to save me from myself. I'll never be good enough. 💔💧

When I say I am horny all the time I mean it. I seldom sleep so I have a lot of time on my hands. i am on the hunt for new toys. Have I mentioned I have broken every toy I have ever bought? One only 2 days after I got it. Sigh.. I have a strong sex drive what can I say. Do they even make industrial-strength sex toys? I used to joke god help the man who ends up in my bed. I'm scared I might break him as well. I can see that trip to the ER.. "So what happened here?" the ER doctor asked. Through tears of immense pain, he moans "She was riding me so hard it just snapped hurry doc reattach it quick" LOL I could be a dream girl or is that nightmare girl. LOL So fuck at your own risk. LOL Purrr Chomp!

I'll wait... Did I yelp? I did not feel a thing. Sigh Sad to say that pretty much sums up my life at the moment.
They say when it rains it pours... I know this to be true. My days seem to be drifting from day to day. There are times I honestly do not know what day it is. Do you know your body can survive on little to no sleep... it is true. Since 2021 if I get 2 to 4 hours a night I am doing good. I know it affects me mentally. How could it not? My desire to do anything other than the task I have to perform is all but gone. You wanna eat.... sure no problem, Here's some crackers, peanut butter, and a butter knife. Knock yourself out. Ohh you want me to take you somewhere... Sure I'll do it as soon as my will to live returns... that should give me a long wait.
Being a widower has xxxxxxxxxx me into situations I never thought I would have to be in. The learning curve is long and wide here my friend. No one told me the weekends would be mind-numbing. The lack of get-up and gumption went out the like yesterday's trash. Your self-worth was wrapped up in that old life that does not exist anymore. You have to step forward and be center stage now. You have to put on a show with the whole world watching.. waiting for you to trip and fall and make an utter fool of yourself. Some days you do good and start thinking I can do this.. Hahahaha yes live for the day it will be short-lived. You do learn as you go if you can force yourself to even attempt whatever "IT" is.
Let's talk about sex... Do you miss it? Yes, you do. Do you do anything about it? Sometimes. But it is not always easy. Sure you can come here and find someone to play with. It's not real and no matter how much you try to fool yourself it's all about self-gratification. Then you have the people who with good intentions say things like I would like to help you out.
Hahaha Like What?! Help me out. you just made me feel like a charity case so I am sure that will turn me on. Every woman wants to have sex real; or cyber for that matter with someone who is only doing it to be nice because they feel sorry for you. Err no your heart ain't in it neither will your cock or tongue.
I know this is depressing and for that I am sorry. No one wants to read the blog of Debbie Downer. So if you made it this far thank you. I try to live on the knowledge that like the waves they are ever-changing and moving. The currents taking you here and pulling you there. Never stopping. Even tho it can seem dark and scary we will survive. I will survive We have to keep moving even if the desire is not there yet. Maybe one day it will. Feels like I should belt out a course of Somewhere Over the Rainbow But I will refrain and that will be my good deed for today. Peace out my peeps.

Public Service Announcement:
Lets talk about Scammers... Catfishes... and RED Flags to look out for.

I know I know everyone will say I will never fall for any of this.. I am too smart for that. LOL Keep telling yourself that. These slimy slugs are good at their job and it is a job. They have no emotions.. no empathy and no souls. Their one goal is to take your money and devalue you and your self-worth. They are trained from a young age. Taught English, and they believe Americans are all rich.
They prey on people who are older or lonely much like a lot of us on here. They tell you anything they think you want to hear. They love everything about you. You are beautiful or handsome. They fish for personal information about you. You may think the things they ask about you are silly and of no importance but you are wrong. They keep this info stored and are building your trust.
The really bad ones come right out and ask for money. The good ones take their time. I tell you most have 5 to 6 marks on the hook at one time. Depending on the scam they are pulling will determine their course of action. They want to be your best friends. Need you. Love you. You are the only one for them.
Here are a few red flags. In today's world if a super hot woman or man comes on to you and you think wow this person would never come on to me if we met on the street well there's your sign. If they try to get you off the site to a more private site ie Google C or Skype.. Red Flag. If you spend any time chatting with someone and they will not talk to you on the phone or video there ya go. When questioned about why there are always a dozen reasons. They often write and talk in broken English. They are masters at convincing you you are the only person they trust. Their kids are too small and are in need and are :” located” at some boarding school;
Pleas guard your heart and your money. Please let me know if I missed any so we can spread awareness to all whom we know and even those we do not know.

Let's talk about being a fat girl in a slim woman's world... I know not all men want a skinny girl or so they say. When the beautiful slim woman is prized above all else and it is tossed in your face from a young age it makes you wonder what in the hell is going on. Nothing against beautiful slim women really. The world is geared to fit that idea also. Ever walk into a store and see all the pretty outfits that you love.. start looking for sizes... if you are lucky you may see an XL in there... but you already knew that is all you'd find before you walked in there, because you've played this game before. Now I admit in recent years things have gotten better for plus-size women. More and more stores are getting a clue big girls gotta dress too.. money is to be made there.
Let's talk about men now.. I have had men tell me I love bigger women.. here, on other sites, and in real life... I have to chuckle.. is it because you are horny and will screw anything that sits still. I ask because it seems to me they will tell you what they think you want to hear but when it comes to more lol well can you say ghost? LOL, Maybe it's just not a man issue but a woman issue as well. Maybe men feed off the vibe we put out about ourselves. We are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. Maybe some of us even knowing that put out a vibe of desperation. We have to break this loop going on in our brains. Start believing we are worth it. We are smart enough, pretty enough. We will not be defined by our size but by our hearts.
I do believe we all have a purpose in this world and we can choose to live this life out in the spotlight making a difference or shut and closed up guarding our hearts. I am guilty of shutting out the world for all the wrong reasons. I always seem to choose the wrong men. They seem great on the outside but on the inside hallow. I think I have been doing it wrong all these years. I have been looking for the romance novel definition of what real love err lust is all about. I have been waiting to be swept off my feet and be adored and wanted. Desired and longed for.. just like the vixens in the stories. Instead, I should have been putting myself out there being who I want to be. Your approval is neither asked nor required.
So while I will never be a raving beauty I am worth the time and effort. This vixen is gonna start living the life she wants. Enjoy what comes her way and let the chips fall where they may. I'm still the same lusty wench I have always been just gonna stop beating myself up for not being society's idea of the perfect desirable woman.

Howdy everyone... as you can see I am a random blog poster. A drop a bomb then run for the hills kind of blogger. lol
I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day or at least got a nice lay out of it. I had a date can you believe that? Me... a real-life date. Lunch, Movie, and dinner. The food was great. And the movie was okay as well. Saw Madame Web. I will see the second one once it is made and released. Sex you ask? Fuck yes. Been a while since a man touched me. LOL Maybe I expected too much. High hopes. Never have a man who did not know how to use that tongue. So I am gonna assume it must be a gift and will in the future appreciate it more. You guys that know how to send a girl to the moon and back, winded and unable to talk for a few minutes well done. Mmmm do y'all give free samples? Hahahaha Just kidding errr Yeah that's it, yeah. The food was great did I mention that?
So the search is on... this fluffy vixen is still on the loose. Out looking for the energizer bunny so to speak. lol Is there such a thing? Sign-up starts here..... Wink

Well well well Good morning bloggers and people of NN. Mother Nature is wreaking havoc here in the good ole south today. We get no snow ever.. Ice storms yes. Tornados Oh yes. Earthquakes too many to close for comfort..but ask for a little of the white fluffy stuff not a chance. Today we get ice. The roads are slick. Schools have closed and wisely so. It's gonna be a day to stay in warm and dry fix a nice meal and then find some trouble. What kind you ask.. Well, the kind that leaves me weak and winded with a smile plastered all over my face.
I will be on the prowl off and on all day. What am I looking for you ask.. if he's breathing that is start. If he has great wit and humor oohhh I'm starting to get that little buzzing down below. If he can walk and talk at the same time well hell I'm gonna lose my mind. But... buuttttt if he is a master with his tongue he may never leave my chamber again. lol
You know us old chicks like to get a little freaky every now and then. This is short and errr sweet so be ready to mingle. T

New to this blogging thing so bear with me...
When I first came here I came battered and a little rejected. The last site I was on was a cold hard place. A place full of judgment and backstabbing. I just felt betrayed and let down by people I had known for over a year. I understand it's a chat site and what do you expect... and toughen up buttercup it's life.. and even who gives a fuck you don't know these people. And you would be right to say any and every one of them. However, that is not the person I am. I am too trusting and too honest and I get hurt. When someone hurts me I tend to turn it inward. Talking to people who are supposed to be my friends does not make me feel better as it does not affect them in the least so they do not give a shit. Understandably so or what grown-up logic would tell you. When in my heart I wanna scream STOP you're my friend and they hurt me. You should be mad at them as much as I am. I am so a 10-year-old girl deep inside. I know this about myself I admit.
When I walked through the doors here it felt so new and so nice. I saw and felt no judgment. I could be who I wanted and no one cared. I loved that about this place and I thought how wonderful it was. I started to meet people and make friends and have been most happy here. We are all here for our own reasons and that is enough. I have to tell you just so you know I hate hurting people and I hate feeling like I am rude to people... but at times it is hard to be in chat because when you are slammed with PM's and chatting with people it can get overwhelming. I have this need to respond to someone who talks to me. I can not help it. I know I miss a lot and if you have said something to me and I did not respond most likely that is the reason.
One thing I have learned here is that there are gonna be jerks everywhere you go even here. People who will hurt you, ghost you, lie to your face. Never understood why you cannot just be a freaking grown-up and be honest. Maybe that is my age coming through. LOL Yes, I am an old lady a kinky crazy old lady. I am here to have a good time. Meet some new people and find a few playmates. Nothing more. I have no grand designs on anyone and want to enjoy the freedom of play with whomever I want. Quite simple isn't it?
I have been MIA for a while not that anyone cares. I had a series of foot surgeries that took a toll on me and really got my normal upbeat self down in the dumps. Being away did cost me someone I thought was a valid friend. LOL, Opps guess not. Will I ever learn? I am blessed to say it is finished and I am good again. Well... lol I will be once I am over this nasty cold and bronchitis. Just putting it out there as a fair warning.. trouble is on her way back. LOL Hope you enjoyed the peace. Peace to you and let's party. T