BBWdreamgirl's blog post - Pinch me

I'll wait... Did I yelp? I did not feel a thing. Sigh Sad to say that pretty much sums up my life at the moment.
They say when it rains it pours... I know this to be true. My days seem to be drifting from day to day. There are times I honestly do not know what day it is. Do you know your body can survive on little to no sleep... it is true. Since 2021 if I get 2 to 4 hours a night I am doing good. I know it affects me mentally. How could it not? My desire to do anything other than the task I have to perform is all but gone. You wanna eat.... sure no problem, Here's some crackers, peanut butter, and a butter knife. Knock yourself out. Ohh you want me to take you somewhere... Sure I'll do it as soon as my will to live returns... that should give me a long wait.
Being a widower has xxxxxxxxxx me into situations I never thought I would have to be in. The learning curve is long and wide here my friend. No one told me the weekends would be mind-numbing. The lack of get-up and gumption went out the like yesterday's trash. Your self-worth was wrapped up in that old life that does not exist anymore. You have to step forward and be center stage now. You have to put on a show with the whole world watching.. waiting for you to trip and fall and make an utter fool of yourself. Some days you do good and start thinking I can do this.. Hahahaha yes live for the day it will be short-lived. You do learn as you go if you can force yourself to even attempt whatever "IT" is.
Let's talk about sex... Do you miss it? Yes, you do. Do you do anything about it? Sometimes. But it is not always easy. Sure you can come here and find someone to play with. It's not real and no matter how much you try to fool yourself it's all about self-gratification. Then you have the people who with good intentions say things like I would like to help you out.
Hahaha Like What?! Help me out. you just made me feel like a charity case so I am sure that will turn me on. Every woman wants to have sex real; or cyber for that matter with someone who is only doing it to be nice because they feel sorry for you. Err no your heart ain't in it neither will your cock or tongue.
I know this is depressing and for that I am sorry. No one wants to read the blog of Debbie Downer. So if you made it this far thank you. I try to live on the knowledge that like the waves they are ever-changing and moving. The currents taking you here and pulling you there. Never stopping. Even tho it can seem dark and scary we will survive. I will survive We have to keep moving even if the desire is not there yet. Maybe one day it will. Feels like I should belt out a course of Somewhere Over the Rainbow But I will refrain and that will be my good deed for today. Peace out my peeps.