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kitsune89's blog post - Where did that damn Kit go now?

Saturday, January 6, 2018, 4:31:38 PM

Well..

I quit drinking 21 weeks ago & went celibate a few weeks before that.

The road trip with my dad cleared my head & changed my focus. These have been difficult weeks & I have found myself mostly unsure of how to act in sobriety. The things I used to enjoy have seemed strange. So I spend all my waking hours that I'm not work crocheting & watching Netflix.

I have missed my friendships here but it has felt strange to try to get into the chatrooms where I spent so many drunken hours. Who is this sober person? How should she behave? I'm still figuring these things out. It is strange to give up the thing that has ruled my life for over a decade. But that is what alcohol did. I thought it was a crutch but it was more of a prison. I have always had goals but spent so much time drowning my pain that I could not possibly pursue them. Now that I have removed the numbing agent, I am constantly torn between moments of optimism & crushing, overwhelming pain. I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. But getting there means going through all the things I have always avoided at all costs. I am faced finally with the truths of my life & of my self. I do not always like what I see. But even in those moments I must recognize the strength it has taken for me to walk through what I have even if I did that walking in a state of half sleep. I am in a state of arduous blossoming. Embracing & loving myself has proven to be the most difficult journey I could ever have set out on. But the reward will be worth it.

I am not the hurricane I disguised myself as. I no longer drink & fuck the hours away. I am better for this but also more lonely because of it. When your friendships are built on a mutual need to drink...well it follows that those friendships fall away if you put down the bottle.

So that is where Kit went. To a better, healthier place that she is still figuring how to live in.

Comments

Others Have Said:

justcuz on 6-Jan-18 16:38:44

I quit drinking 24 years ago. it's a journey that we all start out alone but you WILL make friends along the way. I'm here for you if you need me ;)

2knude on 6-Jan-18 16:40:38

I too quit heavy drinking when I turned Thirty. At first it was hard but will get easier as time passes. Now I can have one or two beers with dinner or friends....keep up the good work and it is good to hear from you

Suavesito1 on 6-Jan-18 19:24:08

Prvt me girl

sidders73 on 6-Jan-18 20:21:05

Congratulations on what you've achieved so far and good luck with your journey xxx

kitsune89 on 6-Jan-18 20:44:27

Thank you guys for the support <3 <3 <3 This has been a long time coming but I kept lying to myself about severe my problem was. It is liberating to be without it but confusing as fuck too -.-

hounddog67 on 6-Jan-18 21:13:49

I never experienced such a thing so i can not feel what you go through. All i know is what i see and i see an incredibly strong woman. It takes a very strong person to be so damn honest to yourself and the people you love. I am only filled with respect how you handle all this after reading what you went through. Although i can't speak from experience, i am a good listener, so if you ever want to talk to some one you know where to find me. ;)

I bow to you sweet Kit xxx

flitterbee on 6-Jan-18 21:19:13

well done to you ! :)

Cernunnus on 8-Jan-18 4:50:10

<3 It is more than ok to do whatever you need to do for _you_. Im glad to hear from ya and that youre alright. That youre on an adventure to find yourself, I think, is the difference. There are plenty of people who go thru life without ever asking "Who am I, who do I want to be?"

~Wenchie~ on 8-Jan-18 15:47:27

Darln...massive achievement. Dont ever lose sight of the fact that you did an incredible thing. Respect!

kitsune89 on 8-Jan-18 17:42:43

Thank you thank you thank you again for the support!!! Wonderful folks like y'all are what has always brought me back & prove this place is about more thank dicks & tits.

owbiglineman on 20-Jan-18 1:31:31

Wow.... awesome for you! Addictions, whatever they may be, take strength to break, Kudos to you! Thank you for the post. I think it was as brave as your decision to stop drinking. I appreciate the raw emotion behind it. Big hugs to you. :)

Errotic on 6-Feb-18 10:28:06

Sounds like your winning, keep it up and good luck with everything you do !