Is it crazy of me to find it incomprehensible that any woman would be attracted to me? Some might say yes. And at 46 years old, you'd think that I would be able to believe that some ladies out there might find me handsome. However, as few women (and I mean very few) have ever shown any interest in me, it has always been a surprise. I know that I am not what anyone would consider good looking. I am average in just about every possible way. So much so, that I feel I must just blend in to my surroundings when it comes to catching the eye of any females. As if I'm in a forest wearing a ghillie suit. I literally had my first girlfriend in my senior year of high school. She didn't even go to my school and lived across town from me. None of the girls at my school had any interest. I knew guys when I was younger, that had kissed more females by the time we were in junior high, than I have in my whole life (literally, I've kissed 7 women to date and slept with about half that). So here I am now, middle aged and walking away from an abusive marriage and the best sex I've ever had only to go back to a solitary existence. It saddens me to think that the only way I could have a woman at my side is to endure the verbal, emotional and physical (she attacked me multiple times) abuses that I put up with for more than fourteen years. It makes it difficult to think of myself as anything more than pathetic, worthless and ugly. I am past my "prime", which wasn't much to speak of as it was.
So why do I post pictures here, if I can't even think of myself as even remotely attractive? Well, I do it on the hopes that maybe someday I will see myself in a better light. That the few comments I get might help to change my thinking. Sad thing to me is that I get more comments from guys. I'm not offended or upset in any way that I get comments from men. I'm not a homophobe. If they like what they see and get some enjoyment from my pics, great. But I'm straight. I am only attracted to women and it's their comments that I really wish for. I know a few have been nice and given some kind words and I appreciate that. I just hope that sometime I can meet a woman that truly can see in me what I can't see in myself. |