BBWdreamgirl's blog post - Freeing oneself from the mental bondage of grief

What say you? I feel like I am entering a new chapter in my life. The valleys have had many ups and downs, crazy and fun adventures. The lows were gut wrenching while the highs euphoric.
Things and people I once held dearly and close to my bosom have seemed to be drifting away. I would have at one time started to panic and grab tighter to them. However now it seems futile. You can't make people like you, respect you and want you no matter what you do. Hard lesson learned. And if I am honest with myself and you there was a bit of a sting learning that lesson. Do I wish things had of been different? Yes. I wish I was smarter wiser and did not let people into my head to do their damage. When someone I love and care for tells me I'm not good enough for this or that I listen. Too much it seems. So much to the point I will let it stop me from trying to achieve what I was aiming for in the first place.
I have started to pull back and ask myself "Why?" What is the reason to tear someone's hopes and dream down to the raw core. For my benefit or theirs? I may never know. I shall put my shield up and protect myself. And bank the experience in my head to be retained for another time. I can tell you the old saying fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me, is true. Do not think because I did not walk away from you that it is forgotten. That there will never be any fall out from your choices and the way you belittled me and treated me. Making me feel small and my issues small and meant nothing to you. Because as much as you hurt me you did not destroy me. You just made me open my eyes and see the issue was and has never been me but you. However, there was a time I thought it was about me, was my fault. You were right I was not good enough smart enough, not perfect enough for you or anyone. As a result, I spent many too many hours of the day trying to fix myself to be perfect for you. A feat that is impossible and will never be achieved by anyone. Knowing this is like waking from a coma. The rest was healing but now it's time to live again. With or without you. That will be your choice not mine. I will not beg you and worry about your choices. If you wish to live the life you are living, then knock yourself out. But you will not drag me down with you.
I am allowing myself to be set free from the mental bondage that has held me hostage for far too long. So, in conclusion, I can honestly tell you. You could have been something remarkable and out of this world unique. You could have had one person in your life who would have never betrayed you, hurt you or lied to you ever. That was a rare gift to give someone. Watch your back as now there is one less person who loves you to the depths of your soul. Peace and love to all.