BBWdreamgirl's blog post - This thing called Lo errr friendship.💕

Have you ever wondered if some friendships are meant to be fleeting or last a lifetime? .I find myself perplexed over this from time to time. I have kept my circle small all my life. I have never had a huge circle of friends. I have often times been blindsided by their lack of care or even gumption to work on said friendships. I know it is always two sided. It takes two to make any friendship grow and stay strong. I too have been guilty of sliding and not doing what I should to make a friendship strong. No excuses other than I am a crappy friend and for that I am sorry. I tend to push people away before I get hurt. Have done that all my life. Although I have tried to be a better friend. I work hard to keep them going. Although at times it seems no matter how hard I work just never enough. Maybe Karma's way of paying me back for being a Douch bag of a friend all those years.
I know the pain I inflicted and now I feel it myself. Maybe I am destin to keep a small circle or have no friends at all. Not like my life is a social whirlwind of excitement. My biggest thrill is finding a movie I love on TV and watching it. I can not put blame on anyone's doorstep but my own.
Then you have some people you love and no matter what it is a struggle. You push and fight for it, but always are left a little deflated. I have asked myself over the years are these worth the effort. it feels one-sided at times. The right answer is probably NO. but you still push forward hoping beyond hope they will wake up and see you are worth the effort too. Has that ever worked for anyone else? So far for me I am gonna say no. After years of going the extra mile I am still no closer or better off then I was before. The flaw must be me..
I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough.. I need to try harder. I promise myself I will be more productive, and I will. Ohhh look Twisters onnnnnnn.. I'll start right after this movie.. it's my favorite ya know.. 😝