Amy_'s blog post - Part 16: Naked Acceptance

Some clips from the video to which I refer in the telling of this story are included in my video titled, “Nervous Naked Joy,” which is linked farther below in this story.




(Mid 1990s) For several months I had been making the most of my freedom, using my friend’s office as my apartment and launching point into a new life. So far, it had been a wonderful experience, although I knew I was overdoing it, and taking some of my antics too far. But after several years in a marriage in which I could not even discuss my desires and exhibitionist urges, let alone act on any, it had become my singular focus to truly indulge myself.

However, for all the joy and support I found with my new friends, I still felt somewhat alone, and that was scary. Going from my parents’ house to the sorority, then to my husband, I had never really been on my own. But now I was, and this was intimidating.

Brandon’s acceptance and interest in using me as his model for sexy videos made me feel like I had a partner, of sorts. Mind you, when I came into this situation, I was not looking for a relationship beyond friends. But I recently accepted the fact that I was falling for Brandon, although he did not really express such interest in me. Worse, my parents had found out that I had left my husband, and they were pressuring me to return to him. Very confused, I had no idea of a direction and was starting to think I would have to go back to my husband. So, I wanted to make the most of my freedom now, without overcomplicating a possible return to my old life.

At first, this was working with Brandon. He was very professional with me. As amateur as our efforts were, he made me feel like a real model. He was the camera man, and I was the subject. He was good at giving me directions, but I could also still do what I wanted. I always felt very sexy when he would video my posing and frolicking, and I felt safe with him.

During these sessions, I would talk often of my problems. He was supportive, but that may have been my mistake. I tend to overshare. The more I came to trust him, the more I wanted to be close to him. But Brandon never showed any real interest in anything more. Our recording sessions would bring my libido to a boil. Some of the time I would be touching myself in the videos and become overwhelmed. But he was all business, and that started to bother me – even though I knew he had a girlfriend. I wasn’t sure I wanted a real relationship, but I wanted him to want me.

Brandon and I had many mutual friends. That’s how I met him in the first place. We all worked at a theme park / movie studio in Orlando Florida. He and I did not work directly together much. I mostly knew him through our friends. Brandon and his business partner made independent films and used a lot of us want-to-be actors in their projects.

One night while Brandon was working on his computer at the office where he was letting me stay, my little voice encouraged me to try to distract him. I was doing my best as I sang and danced a bit while cooking my dinner. I was topless, wearing only panties. The kitchen could be seen from his desk, and I made sure he was watching.

I pranced around, internally arguing with my little voice over whether Brandon found me charming or annoying. But my answer came when he asked if I wanted to go with him to a party. I knew our friends were throwing him a party for his birthday at a bar just North of Orlando. I had been intending to go. But now that Brandon asked me to go with him - to his birthday party - I thought things may not be going well with his girlfriend, and maybe he was finally going to make a move.

When the night came, Brandon picked me up at the office/apartment and drove us to the bar. I could already feel that the dynamic between us was different. I think we both were wondering if this was a date. The party was fun as we mingled with our friends, but often not together. At this point, it no longer felt like a date. However, I was relieved that Brandon’s girlfriend did not attend.

On the drive home, I wasn’t sure what to say. It was his birthday. He set this up to go to and leave the party with me. He was in a good mood, but I had no idea what he was thinking. So, I asked.

“What should we do now?”

“You should get naked,” he answered.

“You really think I should?” I asked, looking around at the surrounding traffic.

The words had hardly left my mouth before I pulled my top off over my head, realizing mid-question that I did not want to give him the opportunity to say he was joking.

With his attention more on me than the road, I continued to undress. Although I was naked around him regularly, this was the first time we were in public - as much as being in the car is public. And this was the first time it was not for the camera, or me just relaxing and teasing in the apartment. This was his request. Arguably a date, it was new territory for us. I was not so much undressing for me, but for him… and perhaps others on I-4.

I sat there naked for a minute with no conversation, enjoying the feeling of vulnerability while trying to determine how well I could be seen from the other cars, and wondering what Brandon would ask of me next. Most of my adventures in public were brought about by the wicked ideas of my little voice, which I know is really all about me. This time I was fulfilling the request of another. I loved satisfying his desire, not knowing what was next, and being at his mercy while pleasing him.

During this minute or so of quiet I began to think he was possibly surprised that I got naked in the car so quickly after his suggestion. Maybe I should have hesitated. But just riding along naked in silence, I felt I needed to encourage things. I took his hand from the steering wheel and brought it to my chest, rubbing myself with him until he took over. All the times he directed my actions while videotaping, adjusting my clothes and such, he almost never really touched me - at least not like this. We both relaxed a bit, and I reclined my seat. He caressed me as I put my arms over my head and closed my eyes, peeking only occasionally as I sensed the sweeping of the streetlights across my body.

I asked if he thought people could see me. He said it was too dark, and pointed out that we could not see into their cars. I thought he was right, and felt some of my excitement recede. I reached up and turned on the overhead light, hoping to give us both a thrill. He pulled away to put both hands on the wheel.

“Can you still see?” I worried.

“Yeah. Now everyone can,” he answered, looking down at me in the light.

I meant if he could still see the road, but I think he knew. I pulled his hand back from the wheel and guided it over my body while imagining people watching from the passing cars. He mentioned that we could get pulled over with the light on. I smiled and let out a little moan to tease him with the idea that this excited me. My erotic thoughts and his arousing caress flooded me with fantastic sensations from head to toe. The pleasure of connecting with someone in this way, while completely exposed, was nearly overwhelming.

As we were nearing the office/apartment I wondered if I should get dressed. The idea of walking naked from the car to the apartment thrilled me, but I wasn’t sure how worried he might be for me to do this with the risk of being seen by the neighbors at the apartment he rented for an office. I hoped he would say something, but as we pulled into the parking lot, I had to ask.

“Should I get out like this?” I asked excitedly.

“No. You can’t do that,” was his disappointing answer.

I felt the moment deflate. Then he picked up my skirt from the floorboard and told me I should wear only this and my heels. The lustful sensations quickly returned as he made this stimulating choice. My skirt was not exactly that. It was a very sheer black half-wrap that I wore for ballet. Besides being see-through, it didn't wrap all the way around and cover me completely. For the party, I wore it with a short silky black slip underneath. But he left my slip on the floor, with the rest of my clothes.

When he parked unnecessarily far from the apartment, I began to think he understood. It was just what I needed. He was nothing like my husband. Brandon was enjoying this game perhaps as much as me. I have always found wonderful thrills by being exposed. But now I realized that he was enjoying the idea of not only seeing me, but watching me be exposed to others.

From where he had parked, we had a long walk past several apartment buildings to get to ours. This dramatically escalated things for me. Sensing Brandon’s pleasure from this situation that he was instigating brought about emotions in me that mixed with the excitement I felt anticipating the walk to the apartment. It was almost too much.

After tying my wrap around my waist, I slipped into my heels and paused there in the now quiet car. I could not have felt sexier. Naked but for high heel shoes and a sheer wrap that barely reached more than halfway around my waist, I prepared to walk home under the lights of the apartment complex. Brandon looked over at me as if to say, “You really doing this?” I thumbed my purse strap over my shoulder, gave him a quick smile, swung the door open, and stepped out into the light of the parking lot.

I had before been naked, or in some form of undress, in this parking lot. This was becoming more common as my daring had been increasing in recent weeks. But I had never been this naked for such a long walk through the middle of the complex. And this time, with Brandon there, I was guaranteed to be watched by at least one person. In the circumstances of this moment, I felt so completely exposed.

Standing at the open door of the car, I could see how brightly lit were my breasts, and then turned my eyes to the many cars, doors, and windows of my neighbors. It was in times like this that I would commonly lose my confidence. But, for Brandon, this was different. Knowing his want, and that he took pleasure from my exhibition, helped me commit. Feeling brave and proud, and a bit overexcited, I took a deep breath and bent my knees slightly to spring up with a spunky bounce as I shut the car door with flare – but much harder than I intended.

Wanting to put on a daring and sexy show for Brandon, my gumption got the best of me and I moved out into the middle of the parking lot and started walking toward our building. It was rare for me to wear heels, so I took careful but lively steps, hoping to express my happiness with a peppy sashay. Looking back over my shoulder, I saw Brandon following as he moved along next to the cars. I paused occasionally and turned toward him to show my boldness, that I was in no hurry, and to give him time to reach whatever position gave his preferred view of my carefree display.

Throughout this walk I kept my eyes searching the parked cars and apartment windows for signs of anyone watching. When alone in the middle of such an adventure, I would be as afraid as thrilled by the idea of being caught. But with Brandon there watching me, I had much less fear. I thought about the exhilarating rush of getting caught and then how fun it would be to share the laughter, excitement, and arousal with Brandon after we were alone. The farther we went, the more I slowed my walk, hoping to catch someone watching. Nearing the apartment, I did not want to go inside. I wanted Brandon to make another suggestion. At that moment, I could have done anything he asked.

I paused in an empty parking space in front of our apartment before turning back out into the lot to show that I was not ready to go inside. But Brandon moved past me and unlocked the door. He stood in the open doorway inviting me as I gave my cutest pouty face, but he held his ground. So, I danced around a bit, hoping this expression of carefree joy would bring him back out. Realizing he was not going to bend, I moved back into the parking space in front of him, pulled the string on my wrap, and let it fall to the ground.

“Oops,” I whispered, covering my mouth with my fingers while bending to an exaggerated coquettish pose.

As I balanced there in front of the apartment, nude but for my heels and purse hanging from my shoulder, I sensed Brandon was losing patience with me. Feeling a little silly, I ran past him into the apartment as he went out to fetch my wrap. When we closed ourselves safely in the apartment, both filled with the excitement of the moment, I put my arms around his neck, pressing my body hard against him.

“What did you think about that? Do you think anyone saw?” I asked, intentionally expressing hopefulness.

He said that I probably woke some people up when I slammed the car door, and that he had expected I would walk along the darker path next to the buildings, instead of right down the middle of the well-lit parking lot. I pulled away and asked if he was upset. He told me it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

I kissed him. We made out on the sofa for a while, but that was it. He didn’t spend the night, although I thought I made it obvious that I wanted him to stay. He seemed nervous or concerned. Was this about his girlfriend? Maybe he thought I was too drunk? Maybe he thought I was only giving him a birthday present? Maybe it was because I was still married? At the time, I did not know.

I did not see Brandon for a few days, which was rare. So, I called him. We had a good talk, but it was hard to know if something was wrong. I could not stop thinking about how I felt that amazing night he brought me home. He enjoyed watching me do something that brought me great pleasure – a thing many people think wrong, and he had suggested it. I felt accepted in a way I thought could never happen.

I was now determined to do something to make more of my relationship with Brandon. But, knowing myself, I feared I would take things too far. My naughty little voice had the wildest suggestions. Most of which I thought ridiculous, and I struggled for a more reasonable idea - then I had a realization. It would be fine if I took things too far. That is who I am, and I was looking for acceptance in my extremes. He would either embrace me for who I am, or it would never be what I wanted anyway.

The wildest idea, to which I thought I could possibly commit, was to go to his apartment (where he lived, not the office) and knock on his door wearing only my black sheer wrap and heels, and tell him I needed to get the rest of my clothes out of his car. I thought this would be fun, sexy, and that he would love it… or I would learn what I needed to know.

The problem was that I could not find the wrap anywhere. I searched desperately. It was not uncommon for me to lose clothes, but this was a small apartment. I had no idea where it was. So, along with my little voice, we decided it would be more audacious and impactful anyway if I just went to his apartment and knocked on his door while completely nude.

I took a shower and revved myself up while waiting for it to get late. When the time came, with nothing on, I opened the door to head for the car, but I decided against it. So much of me would love to drive over to his apartment like that, not even bringing clothes in the car. But I was just too scared. I knew there was a security gate at his complex that was sometimes occupied by a guard that may stop me. In some ways this could be fun, but it would almost certainly change the course of my evening. So, I put on an old shirt that was just long enough to cover everything, and headed out.

I had never been in Brandon’s apartment, but I knew where it was. I had been skinny dipping with some friends in the pool at his complex (Part 4 of my blog), and his apartment was visible from the pool.

After passing the guard shack, which was thankfully empty, I pulled around to Brandon’s building. My plan was to leave my shirt in the car and go knock on his door. But there were no parking spaces anywhere close. I had to walk quite far. Not feeling the same confidence as I did with Brandon’s encouragement in the parking lot of my apartment the other day, I wore the shirt and walked barefoot up to his door.

It was a brightly lit alcove, but only visible from the unoccupied pool and a few windows of some neighboring buildings. I did not know if anyone was watching as I did a nervous little jig, fought to quell my intense giggling, took a deep breath, pulled off my shirt and threw it into the bushes around the corner from his door. I remember my conflicting emotions while recognizing how stark and exposed I was standing there with the bright lights on my pale bare skin.

My first attempts at knocking failed as I couldn't bring myself to do it. It suddenly hit me that his girlfriend may be here. But part of me just didn’t care who else may be inside. I just so much wanted to do this, and imagined how I would feel returning home having not gone through with it. That disappointment beginning to set in was enough. I committed.

Knocking on the door, I was alarmed by the loud echo from the alcove and looked behind me wondering if I would catch any attention from the neighbors. While waiting for Brandon to answer the door, many thoughts ran through my mind, including how this was not the first time I stood knocking in the nude while hoping for acceptance.

I planned that when the door opened, I would strike a coy pose, intending to express innocence and playful desperation for his help. But instead, I heard a voice from behind the closed door.

“Holy shit!”

Brandon saw me through the peep hole. Not the presentation I had planned, but an exciting reaction all the same. He opened the door wearing only sweatpants and a wide goofy smile as he tossed out a few more expletives in astonishment. I was giggling so hard I couldn’t catch my breath enough to speak.

“You’re naked!” he announced, while looking past me out to the complex.

“I need to get my clothes from your car.” I managed to say, but he interrupted, pulling me inside and closing the door.

“You know I have a roommate?” He said, pointing to a door across the living room.

I did not know. That would have been interesting if his roommate had answered the door. Nevertheless, Brandon ushered me into his bedroom.

I had not planned what to say or do after he let me in, hoping he would guide things. But as he seemed to be searching for what to say, I pointed out that he had a naked girl in his room and asked what he was going to do about it. I realized he had heard my funny little line about needing my clothes from his car as he teased me by handing me his car keys, suggesting I should go get my clothes. But it became clear that he was teasing me and really enjoyed my little stunt.

I was so relieved, glowing and giddy for the rest of the night. I remember well because, like a lot of things around Brandon, it was caught on video. We hung out in his room, had a few beers, and he started filming me. I think we were more comfortable like this, as compared to how things ended the night of his birthday. Making videos comprised most of the time we spent alone together to this point. But unlike our other recording sessions, this time he touched me.

The video begins after Brandon asked me to dance for him. Of course, I love to be in front of the camera, and I love to dance, but I was very nervous about having to improvise a sexy dance. That only added to my endless nervous giggling. It is obvious in the video that I was making every excuse and distraction to avoid the dancing.

Honestly, I had come to his apartment that night to make love, not a video. But I am so grateful now that I have these tapes to look back. I was never the prettiest girl around, but I can see I was glowing with a great energy, an adorable charm. It was the most wonderful time for me. The video allows me to be there again. And what happened that night was instrumental in the direction of the rest of my life.

-

This link below is to a video of a few clips from the recording made that day. I am sorry that it is old and of low quality. But I want to set the scene for the reader, and love the energy and spirit exuded during this beautiful experience.