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Tepes1
Member Since: 22-Jul-07
Location: GB
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Frequent references to an ex-partner - what it means?
5-Sep-18 08:15
I have a female friend that I seem to becoming increasingly close to, and we now spend quite a lot of time together. It hasn't 'crossed over' into becoming a romantic relationship, but I certainly wouldn't rule this out, despite us both having reason to be cautious. However, there's one thing that makes me wonder if I'm misguided: I don't think I've ever known a woman to speak so frequently about her "ex". They are friends even though he left her over 15 years ago and he's now in a relationship, although she hasn't made any reference to any subsequent "ex". She refers to him in a matter of fact manner and I don't consider him any sort of 'rival'.

But this makes me inclined to ask ladies whether they feel that these frequent references to an 'ex' are likely to have a significance that I should take on board? In other words, if you felt close to someone new and had romantic aspirations, would you feel it's the right time to keep reminding them about a past partner'? I certainly wouldn't but perhaps it's something that women view differently.

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Artistic
Member Since: 8-Aug-05
Location: SE
Posts: 5363
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5-Sep-18 14:33
as far as i hear if women talk a lot about exes you are in the friend zone, just my 2c

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MieleGattina
5-Sep-18 17:47
It could also mean that she spent a significant part of her life with him, and she cherishes her time with him, even if it is over. I find that when I mention my exes to a current or potential partner, it is in terms of a particular memory that has meaning to the conversation, or to explain something about myself that may be a result of an event with him. If the relationship ended on good terms, I'd say there is a chance that she is looking back fondly, but it doesn't necessarily mean she isn't open to moving forward with someone new.

Maybe ask her? If she is defensive, she may have left-over feelings that she doesn't want to admit to...if she is embarrassed. She probably didn't even realize she was doing it. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, but, either way, you need to know for your own sake.


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quietwacpl
Member Since: 10-Dec-15
Location: US
Posts: 207
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5-Sep-18 18:11
I've been with my wife for 8 years and she has never said one word about her ex fiance. Her dad does call me by his name every once and a while. Not sure what that mean, I know the only time I mention my ex is in disgust.

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Tepes1
Member Since: 22-Jul-07
Location: GB
Posts: 590
Forum Level:
Just getting started
24-Sep-18 00:35
Thanks for all the replies. In the end I didn't ask my friend about this because we had other conversations that made it clear we were becoming closer, so I was worrying about this without good reason. I also gathered that she hasn't been in another relationship since the 'ex', so a lack of other partners has helped to make him seem an important part of her life.

Sadly, however, my initial problem has been replaced by another. I'd welcome thoughts on this, so I'll try another thread...

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